I’m so ashamed to have to call her my mother. Ugh, I’m so furious I could break something or just scream my head off.

She was gonna drive off to Vegas tomorrow afternoon without telling me that I’m supposed to stay behind and watch the bloody motel for the weekend. She wasn’t going to tell me. She tricked me two times into staying. The conniving bitch tricked me twice. She told me to leave Friday because then she wouldn’t have to drive me back Wednesday and then come all the way to drop the car off. I was gonna leave tonight but she kept claiming she needed the car and I didn’t know when she would be back home. Turns out she never needed the car. She never went to the temple today. I wound up taking Marta to the tmz tour because Eileen couldn’t go and my mom agreed to take her but got stuck at home. I got home at 9:30 pm and decided I didn’t want to drive back so late at night. I planned on leaving Friday morning.

I should have suspected something was off. Eileen kept asking her if she got all things figured out for the weekend. My mom said she did and got someone to watch the motel and that my dad was okay with everything. But he was going to work on Friday so who would ne here? I never questioned it. She said she got things figured out and I believed her.

I should never believe her. She planned on me to stay here for the weekend. I never would have known until I asked what time she planned on leaving Friday because that whole her leaving on Friday and my dad at work thing finally sunk in. How was this going to work? She then asked me when I was leaving and when I told her Friday, she went into automatic begging mode, asking me to stay until she gets back on Monday.

What the fucking fuck????? I missed a week of school for her. I planned on using this weekend to catch up. I only packed three underwears, not expecting to be here so long. I cannot survive any longer with no clothes. She then begged to stay until Saturday. That way my dad would be blindsighted at having to watch the motel for the weekend. He most likey was under the impression that I would be here for the weekend, hence the reason why he’s letting her go to Vegas.

I have a midterm coming up either on the second or seventh that’s based on the lectures. The same lectures I’ve been missing. I can’t even read since my books are back in riverside and most of his stuff can only be found on reserve. I’m freaking out. I only have two tests in that class. I have no idea what’s going on. I need at least a C. But I can’t get that if I’m out here babysittinh while my mom parties in Vegas.

I flipped out and let her have it. I told her it was impossible for me to stay. I stayed so long. She tricked me into staying. At least there, I could have kept up with school. It sickens me as to how conniving and manipulative she’s become. How dare you fuck up your child’s education for your own selfish pleasure? You never once thought how much stuff I need to catch up on. You only thought about you and how you could use my illness to your advantage.

And yet I keep falling for it. She guilty me every time and I play the good daughter and stay behind so she can have fun. But no more. I’m not the live in help anymore. I couldn’t have a life anymore. But now I do. She gave me pouty face and tried to guilt me into staying when she said, “sigh I guess I have to cancel.” But it didn’t work. I don’t feel bad. My shit is more important than fucking Vegas. $5000+ is on the bloody line. And that’s only for this quarter.

I thought about cutting her out of my life and no longer talking to her. But then I thought that it would be too harsh. But now, I think she needs it. She’s treated me like shit for so long. Taken me for granted. All because I played the role of good daughter. I’m tired. I want my own life. I have no relationship with her to begin with. She never acted like a mother to me, nor treated me like a daughter.

I’m not coming home for a very long time. Possibly not till Christmas. Thanksgiving, only if my aunt comes to town. We’re not “sharing” the car anymore. You had your chance and you blew it. You’ve ruined my life for the last time.